Ease

Not long after awakening as what is, I withdrew from family and society to spend a month alone in nature. I rented a tiny cedar cabin at a wildlife preserve on a quiet lake in the foothills of Virginia to write, read, be.

Each day at the cabin included long walks in nature. This solitary communion with nature profoundly impacted the body/mind to the point that any remaining perceived boundaries of skin and sky dissolved.

And while retreating in this sanctuary, an unfathomable ease settled into every pore of my skin, absorbing and evaporating the remaining shards of the anita identity.  Nature peeled me to the core, blanched me in the rain, baked me in the sunshine.   Spontaneously, suddenly, I was, in every direction, and with every breath, unified as her, as nature, as impersonal consciousness. And this has not departed…now nearly five years later. The felt experiences at the cabin were like a simultaneous and paradoxical filling, deepening, and emptying. I could no longer locate myself as the center of anything, including the body.

Walking daily, my internal compass fell away. Critters were darting and playing everywhere…squirrels, chipmunks, raccoons, feral cats, foxes, deer.  Birds, insects, and butterflies glided effortlessly as the perfection, giving not a care to any schedules, rules, beliefs, or commentary about what life should be or could be. Just ease with every breath.

No latitude or longitude, nor time and space remain…these concepts died within the brain/mind. There is only here, now. The only valid location or direction is here.  The only valid time is now. There is nothing to strive for…no longings, no hopes, no wishes for this to be anything but what is here…now…as this… aware presence.

There is no more efforting or trying, no special way to be, or to see, no particular state of mind to invoke, or particular emotions to crave. There is only this sense of ease here, now…as this…infinite edgeless awareness and knowing what is appearing is perfection.

anita

Experiencing

Can you point towards aware consciousness or aware presence? It’s what all experience is made of. Really. Look at your feet. If your vision is healthy, do you see a spectrum of colors?

You are the seeing, you are the spaceless space that holds the appearance, and the appearance of feet. In other words, you are the seeing, the seer, and the seen.

All sensory perceptions and sensations are themselves nothing but feeling. This is the nature of all experiencing! It’s undivided. Awareness or consciousness is not two, not subject/object, as is the case with a belief in relativity. Nearly all humans believe in a relative world with a personal me or I at the center looking outward upon an external reality.

Believing in a model of life with a “witness” or “person” at the center isn’t accurate or real. This misperceving leaves the “seeker” desperately seeking for “something” that isn’t present. Uncovering our true essence or nature is about abandoning conceptual beliefs and models; and the conceptual belief dividing pure non-dual experiencing into a witness and something witnessed is merely another pitfall to overcome.

We read or hear that awareness is the unseen seer behind appearances. We’re led to believe that awareness is that which is doing the seeing, that which is hearing the sounds, and that which feels sensations. Thus, through every such statement, there’s an implied distinction between what’s appearing to awareness, and awareness itself. This sends us searching for this mysterious awareness.

What is looking through “your” eyes is impersonal awareness/consciousness, and it has never been personal to you.

anita

Sensating

Exploring the non-dual nature of being and working with self-inquiry we notice a “me” that seems to always be present and aware. So what is this “me” that seems to be present? Most of the world claims the “me” as a separate and personal self where none actually exists. This is why self-inquiry is so very necessary….so we can see the intimacy of the aware presence we claim as personal and belonging to a “me.”  So what is perceiving?

Perceiving is the undivided dance of what is and the simultaneous, instantaneous, perception of it…what we see and the seeing (perceiving/sensating) are one and the same awareness, consciousness, but awareness or consciousness not a thing…awareness is what is.

Awareness is not the sensating or perceiving of phenomena (subject/object) but is the perceiving/sensating itself  —  there are no existing objects or subjects…no existing concepts.

Since we only have relative language to communicate in the dreamscape, we might nudge a bit closer to what is appearing if we look in this direction by using these words:  perceiving is perceiving perceiving…there is no perceiver or perceived.  We can also say awareness is aware of itself as awareness.

Awareness, consciousness, is the perceiving, is the sensating. There is no separate seer, no separate seeing, nor a separate what is (as a subject/object) to be seen. Nor is there a beyond or behind/above/below awareness or consciousness experiencing as the witness, the witnessing, or the witnesser of experiencing…there is only experiencing, sensating, perceiving…as aware presence or consciousness.

As characters we seem to have the conviction/belief that there exists an objective universe “out there” in which “we” exist. So…we (brain/minds) divide what is aware presence or consciousness – seeing, hearing, smelling,  tasting, feeling…and thinking, into a subject we claim as ourself, and the seeming objects that make up our belief in an external reality or world.

And we believe these cherished and revered conceptual ideas and beliefs are true and real…but they only exist conceptually. Awareness or consciousness is already seamless, edgeless, undivided, and has never been separated into anything…into relative subjects and objects, only brain/minds create and project separation and external reality where none could possibly exist.

And since all languages are based on a conceptual world, a relative world…a world of this compared to that, of up and down, of here and there, of past and future…this makes all languages dead. All words are dead…they are concepts. Concepts can never be real…only fig newtons of the imagination!

Emerald Isle 2009 – Just rocking.

Nevertheless, in the dreamscape, humans like to use language to create concepts where none exist….we like to name, claim, and label what seems to be unfolding….we refer to this as life or reality, and we even teach our babies and children how to name, claim, and label everything that seems to be appearing.  

This tendency to categorize and judge happens innocently enough though, since the vast majority of humans never question what they are taught about reality, especially humans in well-educated cultures.

 

Most humans judge and sort life experiences into relative concepts with categories/buckets such as:
“worthy” or “unworthy”
“perfect” or “imperfect”
“loving” or “unloving”
“good” or “bad”
“better” or “worse.”

These judgments, claims, beliefs, opinions, and convictions are the root cause of all suffering. We accept some of life, and push away what we do not like, value, believe, endorse, or condone. We create categories, labels, and names describing what we believe defines who we believe we are.  What if there is no “who” and only a “what?”

And yet, there is nothing really going on. It is seen directly that there are no separate objects divided by space or separate events divided by time. The angst and fear of believing we have control of our characters vanishes and it’s felt as a physical and psychological release of giant proportions.

It becomes obvious that life unfolds spontaneously and uncaused…that the idea of you being a doer is silly. It’s what Paul Hedderman refers to as “traveling lighter.” And it become as clear as day that the dreamscape, the illusory duality/relativity is what allows the experiencing of a perceived self and other. Without duality, there can be no appearances of self and other, no characters to play with. You might awaken to realize your external reality or life is a dream and see that you are a dream character, but you will never escape the dreamscape.

anita

Perceiving What Is

I’m often asked how it feels to perceive what is…how it feels to perceive no boundaries, no separation, no specific characteristics.  Well, it feels just like living…like life unfolding…but without a separate and solid “me” freaking out, spacing out, or bitching all the time…or even a me to soak up bliss and serenity.

Understand that freaking out, spacing out, and bitching still continue as appearances of aware presence but there is no separate Anita identity running a constant commentary overlay over aware presence while bitching and freaking out are appearing. If you take this a step further to self inquiry, you will soon see that angry, depression, and freaking out are simply labels applied by the brain/mind as a veil over the perfection of aware presence.

If you believe you are an angry person before awakening to realize what you are, anger and tantrums will still appear but you will know deeply these appearances are simply aware presence aware of itself as angry, petulant, or depressed as the personal identity will be seen as only a belief and not a truth.

What is…is invisible to the human perceiving mechanism (aware presence), yet pervceiving is all we have.

All I can offer is self inquiry techniques, love and hugs, and point towards what is.  This, what is…cannot be described, only noticed as a primal longing, a silent whisper, energy echoes radiating from a vulnerable and surrendered heart.

The only helpful way I’ve found to approach describing what is is to describe what it is not – since what is is like the edgeless, silent stillness between breaths, thoughts, feelings, smells, tastes, touches, sounds, words, and heartbeats.  

We seem to inhabit an imaginary external reality, each of our own making…reflecting our core beliefs, fears, concepts, and principles we hold so near and dear.  Indeed, we are as prisms.

The mechanism at play yearning for this description of what is is the brain/mind — the ultimate label-maker and dispenser of names, titles, and concepts. For most of us, it is nearly impossible to believe or imagine that what is appearing is a seamless subtle energy beyond the realm of relative concepts like time, distance, and space.

Most of us imagine that there is an inside and an outside to what is…to awareness, to bodies, to objects, but what is is not any of these concepts.

And here is the head-scratcher…what is appearing is not a thing yet it appears to encompass and include all things…and yet no things at all are appearing.  The relative world of subjects and objects falls through itself…shatters…and is seen to be illusory projections of the mind upon awakening to what is.

I’m reminded of David Beaver’s classes many years ago in A Course in Miracles when he discussed and demonstrated virtual reality, perceptual reality, and how the brain is so easily fooled! We’re so convinced that there is a you and a me and that both are real and tangible.  Soon, it will be hard to distinguish virtual reality games from what we believe to be reality.

We also want to believe we have a choice, that we make a difference and we have the ability to direct our lives, and steer our own ship.  This constant battle to assert “our” power is continually fueled from the beliefs and concepts embraced and circulated by the brain/mind and reinforced by society.

We are programmed by parents, teachers, religions, and society to believe we are able to improve, endure, and perfect our worlds and our lives…and yet time and space only exist as a running commentary of concepts, thoughts and beliefs in our brain/minds.  And we cannot accept, even for a moment, that we have never had an ounce of control or choice, and that we are figments of our own imagination.

And this inner friction or itch in the heart is so subtle that we seldom acknowledge or address it. It goes unnoticed, but is sensed as restlessness, discontent, depression, anxiety, panic, boredom, despair,  mania, and everyday unease, frustration, weariness, and malaise. Like the outline of a cloud with no beginning or ending, no top or bottom, we are simply the fleeting appearances of a vaporous suggestion of energy-charged-water…hydrogen and oxygen…and not even that.

There are no words that can describe the indescribable…there is only sighing, accepting, and surrendering, and pointing towards what is when our weary hearts prompt us to marvel at what we label as poetry, silence, song, and beauty appearing.

What I see as beauty, you may see as ugliness. What I see as poetry, you may see as poverty or crime.  What I see as perfection, you may see as war, death, or torture.  I no longer see with the lens of relativity, of good and bad, up and down.  I see all that is appearing, what simply is, as the perfect silent stillness beyond relativity.  You saw this too as a toddler…but you have forgotten.

anita

Longing to Awaken

Juniper Level Botanic Garden

I believed I could experience awakening.  Bart Marshall set me straight and let me know awakening is uncaused and spontaneous…appearing to no one and beyond the beliefs of time and space. Perhaps like me, you believe, or you want to believe,  you can experience awakening…but you cannot…but this doesn’t stop seekers from longing to awaken and be present for the experience of awakening. Not going to happen.

Awakening is a very simple (too simple) and child-like seeing with an up-side-down perspective that is always available, and usually overlooked, every moment.  It’s ripe, ready, available, to be blinked with your very eyes, this very moment.  But the “you” that you believe you are is the very roadblock to simply seeing this.

How often do you hear the stark truth about awakening?  I was fortunate to meet Bart Marshall and learn that “nothing of you will remain” (Bart quoting Alfred Pulyan)  so I knew intellectually I had some lingering beliefs to dismantle about the personal self, eternity, and my concept and beliefs about God/Absolute.

Be aware that awakening will demolish and destroy all your beloved concepts of yourself, and all the beliefs you hold so dearly. All beliefs and concepts will die before or at awakening…and awakening will feel like the death of the self.  There will be deep grief and tears.

I found inquiry to be the best and most effective tool for backing away from content and beliefs of the anita character.

Grace knows when the character is seriously committed to jumping in the deep waters of surrender and finally willing to let go and die.  Only in complete surrender and rawness is there enough of a crack to let the Original Face (Zen phrase) shine through.

Upon hearing that the self must die, most expect the personal self to disappear with Awakening.  It does not. The self is merely seen for what it is – an illusory perceptual lens and “global positioning system” for the character reflecting and refracting awareness…aware…that it is aware.  For me, it certainly felt like the death of the personal self.

It is necessary in the dreamscape to have an imaginary two-ness in order to play as dream characters, to appear as self and other, to feel emotions, to experience virtual reality in the dream of separation.

You, dear one, ARE the painful belief in separation and the feeling you are a separate and distinct entity in a world of subjects and objects. You ARE the feeling of lack that cannot be soothed.  There is no inside or outside to what is, no boundaries to what is, to what seems to unfold…so how can you escape it when you are it?

Separation is a self perpetuating loop that cannot un-loop itself.  Yet, somehow (Grace – if there could be a concept of Grace  – all is Grace and/or nothing is Grace…)  the brain may see through the maze of words, beliefs, concepts, and recognize that all separation is simply a projected illusion.

And, with the direct seeing… it becomes apparent that no-thing and no one in the world needs to be fixed, improved, or sanctified. Life is seen as an elaborate game of smoke and mirrors, and then a quiet calm and perfect ease appears as no-thing-ness and floats like a wave upon a deeply profound peaceful sea and the brain/mind surrenders…and floats undisturbed…as ease and peace.

When it is realized and deeply sensed that there are no separate subjects and objects divided by space, nor separate events divided by time, “you” may finally relax as vast perfect stillness, of no-thing-ness and every-thing-ness, just perfect edgeless awareness appearing.

anita

 

Original Thinking

Nonduality at Juniper Level Botanic Garden

The teachings on this website appear to be at odds with the prevailing beliefs of society, humanity, and reality. We seem to blindly take what parents, educators, religious leaders, and scholars tell us to be facts and truths. Most of us are caught in a vicious cycle of brain/mind numbing programming and daydreaming that serves to keep our perceptions personal, confused, compliant, and caged.

The vast majority of humans are unfamiliar with raw and unprocessed thoughts.  Most, believing thoughts are personal, twist these vaporous thought-clouds into stories and beliefs with a natural ease since we are taught by well meaning folks to name, label, and claim thoughts as personal. Nearly all absorb the teachings and beliefs of parents, teachers, and authority figures who themselves have simply passed along these concepts without much direct or critical analysis.

Thankfully, a few have dared to think outside the boundaries of traditional human programming to glimpse the edgeless aware presence upon which thoughts appear. These wild and weird ones are seekers with a budding seed for glimpsing absolute truth and they question what the majority deem as factual, concrete, valid, and true.

Noticing the power of habitual thinking may be shocking at first, and it is, and yet a sense of curiosity arises to investigate and explore what is actually appearing here now. Noticing when we are lost in thought, daydreaming, or zoned-out will help us see how deeply we are living in our tiny little worlds and overlooking the deep inner peace that is always available by simply accepting what is and questioning the questioner.

Once we begin to see that the brain labels what is appearing with only references to the imaginary past, we’ll likely feel energized to explore how we’ve missed the sweetness and peace of allowing what is appearing because we are lost in our head and the belief in a past.

Give it a try…simply notice the tricky little brain/mind as it’s playing its clever tricks and seduction to keep us believing we are separate and contained within the boundary of flesh and skin.

anita

Caged

Nonduality at Juniper Level Botanic Garden

We’re conditioned to perceive life/reality as unfolding inside or outside a person/body. This caged way of perceiving life is held by the vast majority of humans and is the root of all emotional and psychological suffering. It’s been said by many folks, many times…with our thoughts we create our world. This is how the brain/mind works…conceptualizing, rationalizing, and objectifying what is perceived…and this is how we are programmed and trapped in the mind’s naming, claiming, and labeling cage.

After the perceptual shift in 2011, I noticed the perception of reality was replaced with a simple timeless, indivisible, immeasurable, unmovable, impersonal lens. I saw clearly…our beliefs and thoughts create and inform what we perceive as reality or life.

Before awakening, I believed I was enclosed within a body as a separate and individual anita.  After the shift, I no longer perceived life as being contained and enclosed within the edges of a human fleshiness named anita. I appeared to extend as far as the eye could see…edgeless, undivided, unbounded, still, and vast.  There are no boundaries to the anita character anywhere…just fleeting appearances of edgeless, seamless, undivided, and timeless aware presence, a metaphorical canvas of no-thing-ness and not no-thing-ness…spontaneously appearing/not-appearing as uncaused and fleeting impersonal awareness.

Seekers ask what is “seen” when my eyes are closed…since I have to use words to communicate, it like this…appearances dissolve into a brilliant-yet-inky silent and aware endless void…the same aware, silent, and inky void present when consciousness ceases and the body appears to die. The felt experience of the anita character is of unbounded and overwhelming sorrowful gratitude that anything at all appears upon the silent stillness.

I know it sounds crazy and as a character would not have believed or conceived of this shift of perception fifteen years ago. These unspeakable shifts of perception and identity appear to arise spontaneously and to no one in particular…ignore words claiming otherwise!  There is no cause and effect in play here, life seems to appear here, now, spontaneously, edgeless, and uncaused.

I understand why the misunderstood and those perceiving differently (including artists, musicians, saints, and sages) are often ridiculed, reclusive, or sedated and locked in mental institutions. Society is generally fearful of what it does not understand or what is outside the leaky edges of normalcy…and the going consensus, whatever the majority agrees upon, is labeled normal.

Perhaps we might consider, even briefly, the nature of what is… a vibrant aliveness we call reality or life…perhaps even consider the scientific evidence suggesting humans are misperceiving themselves and the world. This is a sadly funny exercise for the few who question reality. Quantum physics attempts to describe and explain the unexplainable and unspeakable shift in perception in terms of probabilities and collapsing waves and particles. Words and descriptions move us away from the essence and into our thinking brain/minds so give attention to the intimate feelings of awareness — just don’t claim awareness as your awareness!

What you are…is…what you are…improvement is not possible or needed…as the “you” is simply impersonal awareness, always aware presence, appearing as a vast and edgeless field of fleeting potentialities.  Yes, most misperceive what is and believe what is to be distinct, measurable, and operating within time and space. I have seen the folly and felt the suffering of these tenacious and socially endorsed beliefs.

Our perceptions and sensory experiences are shaped by conditioning, the influences of society, science, religion, philosophy, and various tribal and ethnicity beliefs. There are many perceptual lenses and ways of seeing. For a simple example, just imagine seeing life with the fresh and clear eyes of a pre-verbal toddler…seeing life/reality as a little child sees it…undivided, spontaneous, outside of time, unmeasurable, and fleeting.

What’s looking through your eyes?

anita

 

Eliminating Thoughts and Feelings?

Recently in the news I’ve heard or read of several well-meaning teachers, gurus, therapists, and medical professionals suggesting we change, suppress, or eliminate negative thoughts and feelings — as if this were even possible.  This approach rests on the core beliefs of being a doer and being able to create change.

There are no doers doing the doing!  It’s not possible to remove, change, or substitute emotions or actions either…what is appearing…is…what is appearing.

Is it possible for what’s appearing to change as it’s seeming to appear? No — it is already appearing! Most humans want the imaginary now, future, or past to be different than what is unfolding…a guaranteed recipe for suffering!

I’ve come across many blogs and websites suggesting practices, methods, and treatments to “manage” or eliminate unwanted and uncomfortable thoughts and emotions and these practices and methods simply perpetuate our misperceiving:

  • that there is a separate person to whom these thoughts and feelings seem to occur, and there is not.
  • that separate thoughts and feelings occur, and they do not.
  • that there are some thoughts and feelings that are better or worse than others, and there are not….especially feelings of anger (as if anger is inappropriate or wrong)

Notice that any method, practice, or teaching, suggested by anyone, including those deeply revered – Buddha, Christ, Allah, or Krishna, etc… perpetuate the illusion of a separate person, a separate goal, an endpoint, a finish line, a desired place, or state, or feeling.  As Bart says, there is no use polishing the terd. 🙂

The biggest and shiniest goal, carrot, or achievement in the spiritual realm seems to be enlightenment, salvation, and realization — also fueling and perpetuating a consensus belief in a separate self identity that might eventually reach these imaginary prizes.

Nonduality, spirituality, and oneness preachers and gurus are incredibly popular and are a convenient way of avoiding and hiding from the flimsy and illusory nature of the separate self and reality.  These teachers and gurus offer a safe and secure comfort zone for those obsessed with reaching these goals. Interestingly,  I have seen many of these gurus are themselves believing in a lasting unicity or eternity of existence beyond the bodymind.

Anytime you hear or read of gurus and teachers referring to an essence, entity, awareness, or consciousness as anything lasting, solid, or fixed… such as a true self or an eternal self, or as an absolute awareness or consciousness…look out!

There is nothing lasting, remaining, transcending…and concepts and words are simply the objectifying brain/mind/ego attempting to perpetuate itself in an imaginary future, heaven, dimension, when not even nothing exists – just edgeless, infinite, impersonal awareness aware of itself.

In short, all perceptions are illusory appearances of impersonal awareness perceiving itself in an imaginary dream as itself.  No separate self or dream character can awaken or be enlightened outside of the illusion. At best, an illusory character might realize itself as an illusory character in a dreamy illusion of impersonal awareness and laugh at the possibility of escape or enduring beyond the apparent physical death of the dream character.

The duality, the relative world, is the only platform, or place, if you will, where aware presence or impersonal awareness can know itself, as itself and as other, by spontaneously appearing as it’s own dreamworld.  How brilliant and remarkable that appearances appear at all!

anita

 

Identity Trap

I was stuck in an identity trap for decades believing I was a separate person with a personal awareness and ability to make decisions. Of course, believing that I was a separate being also ensured I was often suffering, longing, and discontent with what is.

I define the Identity Trap as a core set of self-referential beliefs and concepts which perpetuate the false sense of a separate and personal self identity.

Reinforced by family, society, educators and dogma, these beliefs and concepts veil the natural flow of impersonal consciousness always here, now, as this breath.  We overlook and ignore this perfect presence, this perfect peace by veiling it with a personal identity.  Are you stuck in an identity trap?  I’m here to help you uncover what you already are and are not with self inquiry..

anita

 

What is God?

Many pilgrims explore the validity and meaning of God or Absolute when investigating spiritual life, existence, and the afterlife. It seems there is nothing scarier than to ponder an endless oblivion at the end of living, or while living, for that matter. 

As humans, feeling there is something more after death, and believing in an enduring personal soul or spirit in an afterlife seems to draw and sustain many to a higher power or God.  

applied a Christian framework onto God for more than 40 years. God seemed like a devoted loving parent, promising an afterlife in Heaven, if all the dogma and doctrines were practiced and obeyed.

A belief in existing as a personal soul that would unite with God upon physical death and spend eternity with God in an afterlife was at the core of these personal beliefs.

Upon reflection and inquiry, this concept of God implied God was changeable, flexible, and able to exist in a relative relationship  –  God and other – creator and created – bound together in a relationship (relativity) enduring through time and space.

The belief implied that God was divisible, not already everywhere and everything, and that some things were created in the image of God and somethings were not. This belief implied that God was not timeless and ever-present since God was not with those folks or things labeled as evil or assumed to be living in hell, whatever hell is, or those not believing in God.

Is there a clear line of who is accepted by God and who is not worthy of God…does it depend on a particular set of beliefs and an allegiance or commitment to these beliefs? All beliefs and dogma are concepts.  I even taught this dogma to children and adults in Sunday School classes for decades in the Baptist and Methodist Church.

My powerful urge for teaching about the love and divinity of God and for dwelling with God heaven fell away here during a long dark night of the soul, and later in 2011, in a shocking shift of perception and identity.

Now reality is perceived as impersonal awareness which appears spontaneously and uncaused as appearances arising upon relativity (subject and object). You and me. Up and down. Here and there. Now and later. Here and there. Good and bad. Birth and death.  Past and future. In relativity, all things may appear true and factual until they are not, meaning relativity is changeable and dynamic, illusory appearances only.

For instance, humans once believed the world was flat, but no longer.  Humans believed man could not fly, until in seven short seconds, Orville and Wilbur instantly changed that beliefs. And mankind would never walk on the moon, until Neil Armstrong did. And we’ll never make it to Mars…or Pluto. 

Science is now moving towards the paradoxical world of quantum physics, yet another concept…moving awareness beyond relativity and into empty particles, dark matter, and entanglement. This is the fascinating world of exploring the nature of invisible particles and matter just by changing what or how a particle is being observed.

But no matter how deeply we investigate what is appearing, what is will remain as a concept, an idea, an opinion or a collective belief, because it is appearing in an illusory relative world — the world where the brain/mind creates all concepts and beliefs…including the concept of Absolute and the study of potentiality, waves, and particles in quantum physics. 

I spent decades meditating (and still do) to reconcile the scientific facts with spiritual beliefs. I was deeply spiritual all my life and who was I if I was no longer spiritual in the way I was accustomed?  And who was this “I” in relation to what science calls dark energy, which comprises 95% of the cosmos?

And for a while, the mystical teaching of Christianity and the scientific information of quantum physics agreed with my relative and logical brain.  St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross wrote at length about the illusory nature of the separate or personal self. Their teachings lined up with the ancient teachings of Lao Tsu, the Buddha, Jesus the Christ, and Wu Hsin, all describing an unchanging, indivisible, omnipresent, and timeless God. An Absolute God resonated for years in the heart, down into the bones and marrow, until it didn’t…the shift in 2011 blew away all concepts…including the concept of God.

Yes, it makes logical and scientific sense to see and imagine God as Absolute and not relative.  It feels good to an imaginary personal self as it offers a belief, a hope, a concept that perpetuates and lasts beyond the relative realm…survives the concept of death and enjoys an afterlife.

This is a hard realization to comprehend by a relative brain/mind.

In short, all perceptions are illusory appearances of impersonal awareness perceiving itself. No separate self can awaken or be enlightened. At best, an illusory character can realize itself as an illusory character in a dreamy illusion of impersonal awareness and laugh out loud at the possibility of escaping or enduring beyond the moment.

The duality, the relative world, is the only platform, or place, if you will, where impersonal awareness knows itself as conceptual, as itself and as other, by spontaneously appearing as itself as separate, here now, in the timeless now.  

Such mystery!  And if you wanna call impersonal aware presence “God,” , then feel free…but most folks will picture a dualistic God created of their beliefs when you speak the word “God” as most humans crave an enduring existence beyond this moment and beyond death of the body.

anita

Sages?

Years ago, the words and concepts of Nisargadatta Maharaj and Ramana Marharshi pointed this pretend pilgrim towards the illusory nature of self and reality. The conceptual framework of notions about who or what we are is often held in place by what others, especially teachers, sages, and spiritual authority figures…like Nisargadatta and Ramana, tell us about ourselves.

Humans are a collection of tightly held beliefs and concepts misperceived to be real and tangible. We are and always have been illusory and imaginary characters playing in an illusory dream of separation projected as impersonal consciousness. And it seems as though we must also question Nisargadatta and Ramana’s words, which are simply concepts too…projections appearing as impersonal consciousness dreaming a dream of itself.

So how do illusory characters notice and discern the nature of the personal self?  Realizing the illusory nature of a personal self cannot be accomplished by a separate or personal self.  If an illusory character realizes the illusory nature of itself and the dream, no one will know or see anything as humans are illusory.

If realization spontaneously appears,uncaused, there seems to be a knowing of impersonal consciousness turning and noticing itself playing a game…living as separate imaginary characters, living a dream of separation, as itself as impersonal awareness in a dream of itself.

Once the separate self and the world are seen to be illusory tightly-held beliefs and concepts, living simply appears…uncaused, spontaneously, flowing appearances and projections of awareness as choiceless characters, appearing human, reflecting an illusory and unspeakable silence and stillness which cannot be comprehended, dreaming a dream as itself.

anita

Misidentification – Part 4 of 4

Today’s essay addresses the universal ability to miss what is in plain sight. The vast majority of humans have misidentified awareness as personal and dwelling within the body.

Well-meaning parents, educators, religious leaders, and society have passed along their unexamined beliefs about awareness and consciousness and most children have accepted this opinion as being true…after all, it is proclaimed by the majority of scholarly adults.

Those few who actually deeply and directly explore the nature of awareness will fall to the floor in shock and awe upon seeing and discovering the simplicity of awareness and how it has remained so vastly misidentified.

And not because awareness is hard to see or understand, but because it is so freakishly near, simple, and obvious…just watch any small child who is fully present playing with an empty box or plastic container. Human beings value what is complicated, complex, intellectual, as though the delicate and simple flow of just being and breathing is not complex or miraculous enough to require our full attention.

The separate self is truly a fictional character created by the brain/mind. Investigate, go within using self inquiry, and explore the beliefs and concepts conjuring the specific person you believe yourself to be.

There is only uncaused, spontaneously appearing impersonal awareness, seamless, edgeless, indivisible, so it cannot be divided into seven billion individual units.

anita

What Lifts the Veil – Part 3 of 4

Who or what can bring about change, what can create, motivate, cause any action… when there is only uncaused, spontaneous appearances of what seems to be?

What lifts the veil to expose the illusory nature of what is seeking?  Seeking spontaneously appears, uncaused, and to no one in particular in the illusory dream of life.

We know words and thoughts are divisive, or create division, it’s just the nature of brain/minds to provide running commentary on all appearances.  Language is simply the relative and rational process of the brain/mind naming, claiming, and describing the seamless, edgeless, vastness of awareness into discreet objects and subjects to project an imaginary relativity.

How do we point towards what is not measurable; without any identity; not relational; indivisible; uncaused, edgeless, seamless, spontaneously appearing awareness?  We cannot.

Even words like Source, Brahman, Universe, Absolute, Allah, Tao, Consciousness, Yehweh, Grace, or God are concepts defined and imagined in the brain/mind. The word is not the thing.

Even the word Absolute is a concept created by the brain/mind.

From a different vantage point, we may be able with self inquiry to see how powerless the human brain/mind is to grasp the essence of it’s own (the brain/mind’s) illusory nature, but this seems to rarely appear.

anita

Relative Brain – Part 2 of 4

The personal self that is seeking freedom or awakening is the hinderance or roadblock to uncovering what is appearing now.

The brain/mind creates and fashions the illusory self by objectifying what seems to be appearing. Many scientists are of the opinion that the mind is an invisible relational-process-regulator of the neural flow of information in the brain and body. Do you accept what brain scientists report about this mysterious beast?

Being a relative beast (subject and object), the dualistic nature of the mind is the source of the division of words and thoughts into names, labels, categories, distinctions, and definitions.

This relative quality of brain/mind is the very foundation for our belief in separation, the belief in a separate being as a “me.”

  • If all our thoughts and words in the brain/mind are based on a global belief in separation or duality, then we will always view the world as discreet objects being viewed by discreet subjects.
  • The brain/mind that seeks can never find what it is seeking – the seeking brain/mind cannot believe the aware presence it intimately feels…is the same aware presence, though impersonal, it is seeking.  
  • Most all people create an elaborate life story and personal archive of traits and identity and then search for a primal or original identity which is always present and overlooked!  
  • But the character cannot see that what is seeking is seeking itself, and cannot locate itself because it is too simple and too close to be the final answer.  
  • Beliefs and concepts of being a doer, a separate being, must fall away in order to live simultaneously as aware presence as the observer, the observing, and the observed.

The sense of a separate self must be seen as the illusion it is. The separate self is merely a projected illusion the brain/mind constructs to maintain the identity of being a separate entity.

There has never been a separate entity, so there is nothing to seek towards…only something to realize now or uncover now – the personal self has never been anything but an illusory belief created and held in place by an objectifying brain/mind.

Many have compared aware presence to a movie script displaying scenes passing across a silver screen.  Both brain/mind and movie are projections.  The brain/mind is projecting a dualistic version of reality where none exists since the brain cannot ever contemplate infinite, edgeless, timeless awareness.

With the advancements in functional magnetic resonance imaging we now safely and non-invasively measure and map activity in the brain to gain a wider understanding of the relationship between the brain and the mind. But with all the science and technology at our fingertips, scientists still do not know how to engineer the flow of information into being-ness, but aware presence is not a flow as a flow would require a belief in time to sustain it. 

Here is the easy way to understand all this scientific stuff…simply observe small children and babies when they play as they demonstrate the ease and joy of accepting and noticing what simply is.

Every word, thought, or object the brain/mind describes, references, or points towards is simply the impersonal, uncaused, spontaneously arising, indivisible, seamless, emptiness of aware presence appearing as forms and formlessness in it’s own illusory dream of nothingness, and yet, not there is not even nothing.

Just ask the toddlers and little kids about time and gravity and they will simply look at you and hand you a toy and want to play.

anita

The Seeking Self – Part 1 of 4

The separate or personal self that is seeking is the hinderance or roadblock to uncovering what is already present. It’s a simple case of mistaken identity.

There simply is no separate self or personal identity, only appearances of impersonal awareness appearing as what is. The personal self is an illusion. There are no separate selves, no separate objects, only a seamless, edgeless, uncaused and spontaneously appearing aware presence as everythingness in an edgeless and illusory appearance.  But why do I feel separate, you might ask…

We’ve noticed the intimacy and sense of an immediate and unique presence since we were small children, and we’ve been taught that this presence is personal and specific to us because this is what most believe to be true.

Small children are always in touch with the impersonal awareness they already are.

As older children and adults, we’ve simply forgotten what we are, and/or we’ve never explored our identity and only accepted what others have told us.

The concept of “I” as a separate or personal being with a name is a learned concept taught to babies and small children by well-meaning parents, family, teachers, neighbors and society.

Most humans follow the leader and embrace the beliefs and customs passed down from authority figures through the ages.

Those who question the deeper nature of identity, beingness, awareness and consciousness, are usually few and far between, and for those few, it’s often a catastrophic event that launches the deep inner journey to examine reality and self through self inquiry

Most understand the state of unconsciousness found in dreamless sleep, while under anesthesia, or in a coma, as the state of being unaware and unable to process sensory inputs from the body. There is no sense of a personal or separate self to be experienced in dreamless sleep, coma, or unconsciousness.

On the other hand, during periods of dreaming while sleeping, the brain/ mind is active and the sense of being a watcher or observer is experienced. Occasionally, lucid dreaming occurs when the sense of beingness as a dreamer senses that dreaming is occurring. Upon waking each morning, ordinary awareness arises and we take this awareness or consciousness to originate within and belong to a specific person, “me.”

Considering we spend at least one third of life unconscious, it appears this routine period of unconsciousness each 24 hours is critical to health and wellbeing. Scientists and physicians validate this need for deep restorative sleep. Is the source of the unconscious state during dreamless sleeping the same source that experiences dreaming sleep and the conscious state in waking hours? Where is the personal “I” in dreamless sleep?  How does the personal “I” arise when waking from sleep?

If you explore these questions deeply you will eventually discover the personal self is an illusion, a concept or complex set of beliefs reinforced by the widely-held beliefs and concepts of time and location. When the beliefs in the passage of time (past/future) is dissolved, the beliefs holding together the personal self eventually dissolve as well.

Beliefs are mental constructions, shadows on the wall, the stories created and claimed by the mind. There is only aware presence appearing, but the brain/mind must objectify all appearances.  Seeking arises spontaneously, to no one in particular, as fleeting appearances in the vast, empty, uncaused and spontaneous appearances of what simply is.

anita