Below is a letter with questions about awakening and the responses.
I am feeling like Grace is not going to choose me to wake up. It just seems I have not been able to do much for so long and I sit in silence or come into the moment so much throughout my day. I ask for help, I beg to be shown.
This search has consumed me for so long now, I feel I am the search. I tried giving up by not reading anything, tried forgetting that the revealing of Truth is even a possibility and just get on with what is in my face.
I cannot help but want this with all my heart and soul and being. People say it is right in front of you, it is here, it is this…So I sit and I look and hear and feel and wait and nothing reveals itself.
You said in your SIG video, as do many people who have seen their True Nature, that you don’t know how you missed it before. How is it that I don’t see it or realize it, do you think?
I get it all intellectually, that there is only ever this moment, (I get that physically as well as it is all I can verify) and that there is no separate “me” that can be found. That I am not my mind, that everything arises spontaneously. That without a thought there are no problems etc etc…….
But I cannot say “I am done.” The only question that seems to remain, is “Why has Grace not chosen to show me? ” Even though I cannot find a me.
Thanks for listening.
July 4, 2014
Hi (name withheld),
You’re seeing that the search IS the ego, the question, and, paradoxically, is the expression of THIS enjoying ITSELF as searching.
When you sit, “So I sit and I look and hear and feel and wait and nothing reveals itself” it’s the movement and the expressing now as THIS sitting and looking and hearing and waiting — just for the pure experience of it.
Believing that the thoughts arising are your thoughts… is the veil maintaining the illusion of you as a separate self. Without claiming the thoughts as being owned by a separate you, what can possibly keep this illusion alive?
You do not gain anything realizing true nature. It’s what you really and already are. You do lose the beliefs in an illusory separate self and world. And you see that your sensory experience is the same movement of THIS although it APPEARS as diversity and otherness. It is so subtle, that’s why we miss it and fail to see it. It’s just a tiny little transparent membrane, like Saran Wrap, and even thinner than I can describe, held together by flimsy beliefs that you are separate. Illusion in every direction.